Freebies
I wanted to have a place to post some of my work for you to enjoy. Check back here often as I don’t even know what I’ll be posting. The Day Mable Wray Shot A Bear is in a different format so it is listed below, for all others click on the title of the story.
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Time to add another story. This one was originally published in Mysterious Oklahoma, a anthology for the Pioneer Library system. To be honest I can’t remember the date it was released, but I believe it was around 2004.
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This contains strong language, adult themes, and explicit sex.
It was originally published at SNM Horror Magazine in February 2009.
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Here is the story of the first time I kissed my husband. I wrote it in honor of our fifth wedding anniversary. For the most part it is a true story. Please keep in mind it is a memoir, which simply means it is my memories from my point of view. My husband told me there were some inaccuracies in the narrative, but that would be his point of view. Do you get my meaning? Let me know what you think, it would be nice to know someone reads this blog.
This is one of the first stories I wrote. There are a lot of problems with it and, IMO, its not good. Comedy isn’t easy. But it is my moms favorite, so I’m posting it here.
The Day Mabel Wray Shot A Bear
Mabel Wray sat in the swing on her front porch, swaying with the fresh breeze of late spring. Triumph shone on her face as she watched the black and white police car drive up. “To serve and protect, hmm, I guess I can do that for myself,” she said trying to stifle a giggle.
Officer Richardson stepped from behind the wheel and adjusted the waistband of his pants.
“Tommy, is that you?” Her slow drawl was thick around the words as Mabel yelled from her perch.
“Yes Ma’am, but its Officer Richardson now,” he said, pointing at the badge on his chest.
“How’s that pretty wife of yours? Is she still working over at the school?”
“Yes Ma’am, she does, and she is doing well. Mrs. Mabel, we received a call down at the station about someone shootin’ a gun and disturbing the peace. Would you know anything about that?”
“Yes, it was me. And the peace that was being disturbed was mine also.” She pushed dirty, gray hair from her eyes. “So, I shot him, went down over there.” She said, pointing to where the honeysuckle grew wild. “Last night my husband, Earl. You know Earl, don’t ya? He is the one that put the cherry bomb in the port-a-potty during the Fourth of July festivities at the town square. Oh! My lands, that was funny. It’s a wonder Earl didn’t burn down the town or Mayor Tisdale.” Mabel covered her mouth, trying to control the laughter.
“Tell me about what happened here.” The officer tried to lead the talkative woman back to the strange confession.
“It was my dear Earl that ran by the firehouse yelling ‘The church is on fire! The church is on fire!’ Who would have known that Gerald Dempsey could be so quick with that fire hose? He’s rarely outta of that chair of his. You’d think he’d have looked for smoke or something before nearly drowning that Fitzpatrick girl’s wedding. I guess it’s a good thing that it wasn’t her first.” Mable shook her head, “Who’d she think she’s foolin’? That oversized dress didn’t hide a thing. Would you listen to me? I’m going on and on about my Earl. I could talk about him all day. He keeps me laughin’ with all of those silly stunts of his. Yeah, my Earl likes his jokes. Are you thirsty?” Mabel said rising from her seat. “I just made a pitcher of ice tea.”
“Mrs. Mabel, if we could get back to this disturbance. I’d really like to know what happened.”
“Of course. I’m sorry. My mind tends to drift from time to time. Where was I?”
“You said you shot him. Who is him?”
“Oh, yes, yes. Right out to the side of the house behind the honeysuckle. That’s where you’ll find him.” Mabel led Officer Richardson off of the porch. “Earl will be so surprised. Just the other day we was watching one of those TV specials about bears.” Mabel stopped in mid stride, “You know, they ain’t anything like that Yogi bear at all.”
Officer Richardson nudged Mabel to get her moving again.
“I didn’t know why they didn’t just talk to them bears, instead of sneakin’ around in the woods. Earl said they was just dumb animals and can’t talk. But I seen them talk to Doctor Dolittle. There I go again, straying from the matter at hand. As I was sayin’ to Earl, it would be something if we seen a bear around here. Then lo’ and behold I saw one this very afternoon.”
“Is that what you shot, a bear?”
“I bet I was sight to behold, running around here like a chicken with my head cut off. That’s when I remembered Earl’s gun. I reached for it and took aim. That bear stopped dead in its tracks. It started wavin’ its arms around like there was no tomorrow, kept pulling at its head. I thought it might be trying to say something, then I remembered Earl said ‘dumb animals can’t talk.’ So I pulled the trigger and down he went. I can’t wait for Earl to see this. He always said I would never hit the broad side of a barn.”
“Is this the place?” Officer Richardson pointed.
“No, over here. I’m sure Earl will want to mount it on the wall or something. I don’t know if I want to be looking at a dead animal all night and day, but Earl will do what he thinks is best.” She pushed the honeysuckle aside. “There he is, just like I told you he’d be.” They both leaned closer. “I didn’t know bears wore necklaces.”
Officer Richardson kneeled beside the brown lump. “Ma’am, that ain’t a necklace. It’s a zipper.”
“What do you mean a zipper? Bears don’t wearing clothes, Earl said.”
“Mrs. Mabel, I’m not saying it’s wearing clothes, I’m saying it’s not a bear,” Officer Richardson said, trying to free the person inside.
“Tommy James Richardson quit trying to fool an old woman. It’s a bear I tell you.”
Officer Richardson reached for the radio that hung on his belt. “Dispatch we’re going to need an ambulance out here at the Wray place on Chestnut Drive.” He released the button on the side of the radio and replaced it as the Dispatcher answered an acknowledgment. “The zipper is stuck in the fur of the head piece, if I can get it loose we can see who it is,” he said more to himself.
“I wish Earl would come home. He should have been home hours ago. I bet he’d know what to do.”
“I know what to do, Mrs. Mabel. I’m going to get the head off of this costume and see if the person underneath is still alive. If you would please back up and give me some room, I’m sure I can get it done.”
“Don’t you take that tone with me, young man. Why I have half a mind to call your mother and ask her where you got your manners. I bet you got them from that Daddy of yours. Did you know he had the gall to put Earl in jail? It wasn’t his fault that your Daddy’s new cruiser was wrecked.”
“Mrs. Mabel, he drove it off the rooftop of the high school!”
“That was Tucker Bryant’s fault; he came up with the idea to steal the cruiser and place it up there. Earl spent a whole week in the hospital. That should’ve been punishment enough. Then your Daddy had to lock him up for another thirty days.”
In the front of the house an ambulance pulled up with its lights flashing. Even without siren the ambulance made enough of a spectacle to draw people from five blocks away. Two men in white shirts got out and grabbed their gear.
“We need to get this thing off.” Officer Richardson said as Mason walked up. “He was shot with a twelve gauge. I’m sure it’s not pretty under there.”
“I don’t see any blood. Are you sure this person was shot?” Mason said.
The rip of the fabric echoed off of the house as the head of the suit came off, revealing Earl’s semi-bald head.
“Oh my God, I killed Earl!” Mabel shouted before collapsing to the ground.
Mason looked over his shoulder. “She’s just passed out. Let’s see what kind of damage she’s done.”
Officer Richardson reached into Mason’s medical kit and removed a small ampule and broke it under Mabel’s nose.
“What’s going on?” she coughed.
“Mrs. Mabel, we found Earl. Mason is looking at him now,” Officer Richardson said as he helped her sit up.
Mason stood up, chuckling. “I can’t find anything physically wrong with him. His heart rate is a little high, but he looks fine to me. Mrs. Mabel, I think you just scared the hell outta him.”
“Oh, praise the Lord. Earl, Earl I didn’t mean to shoot you,” she said cradling his head in her bosom.
Officer Richardson looked around the side yard. He found a tree where the shell hit, scarring the trunk.
“Owww…” Earl groaned. “Mabel, I died and went to heaven. I saw the good Lord, he told me to clean up my act, so honey I’m gonna do it.”
“Mrs. Mabel, Earl, I’m going to need you to come down to the station later to fill out some paperwork, but for now we’re going to leave.”
Mabel and Earl gave their thanks to the two men and said their good-byes.
“You think he’ll change?” Mason said on the way to the ambulance.
“I hope so. I’m getting tired of cleaning up after him,” Officer Richardson said with a sigh.